i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
