the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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