I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize