i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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