He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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