I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
