are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
