Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
