4 words: hood of his car
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
