Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
