I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
