I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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