Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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