My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
