Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Randomize
