i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my being single is dangerous.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
