I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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