He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
