it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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