Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize