he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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