You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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