I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
