Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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