Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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