The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
