I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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