Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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