Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
