They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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