I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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