He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
