hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
