y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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