You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
