Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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