There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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