please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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