I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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