i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
