Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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