which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
