The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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