Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
