Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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