WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
