one word: firstdatebathroomanal
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
