her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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