It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
