her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize