Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
