I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
