So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
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You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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