Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
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be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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