Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
