i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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