i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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