Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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