I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
