dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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