if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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